Raquel Durden pursued life in the Army at full speed. It was rare to see Durden toning things down for anything, and being a woman in leadership roles, she faced greater pressure to perform than her male colleagues.
After she retired from the military as a lieutenant colonel after a decorated 25-year career, the Wisconsin native turned to yoga and holistic practices to satisfy her mental and physical health needs. She realized there were likely others out there – active-duty military members, veterans, first responders, law enforcement officers – that also needed a healthy way to dial down.
Tapping into her holistic wellness expertise, along with her talent for writing, Durden produced her first book, Dial Down: Holistic Strategies to Move from Chaos to Calm, published by Fresh Water Press earlier this year. Durden interviewed 10 sources for the book, using her military connections as a former paratrooper and combat veteran, to include unique perspectives, from high-ranking officers to COVID-19 nurses.
Durden recently spoke to Military.com about the book, her military career, challenges following her service, and advice for women interested in pursuing the military.
Kevin Damask (Military.com): It seems like veterans tend to open up and talk to other veterans or listen to them if they have advice, or stories. Have you been getting good feedback from veterans on your book?
Raquel Durden: So far, I have. I was at the Military Influencer Conference in Atlanta in September. I was invited as a guest speaker and this Air Force veteran came up to me, and she’s like, “I read your book, and I loved it, and I did some of the breathing practices. I bought eight copies for my book club.” That spoke to me, because she’s a very active veteran and is known in circles around Atlanta.
I did 10 interviews for the book. When I was doing the interviews, I had to practice trauma-sensitive writing. I didn’t want to trigger them, but I made sure I followed up with, “Your story’s going to help others. People are going to relate to it.” And veterans have such great stories.
Another thing is, I didn’t have to reach out too far. I know some awesome people, including people who served in Special Ops, COVID nursing, dual law enforcement and other military people. We have Black, white and LGBTQ represented. It wasn’t intentional… that’s just how it was. The military is representative of our whole society, so the book should look like society.
I think one of the reasons the book is so authentic is because I served in the military and I interviewed other service members.
We tend to be high-performance, busy people who just can’t dial down. That’s kind of the primary audience for the book. I talk about how chaos is not something to fix, avoid, or fear. Chaos is something to navigate.
The military does a good job instilling confidence. They teach us to have confidence in your leadership, have confidence in your equipment, have confidence in rehearsals, all of that. But what they don’t teach you to do is dial down, how to take off the mask of resilience and dial down in a healthy way.
For a lot of military people, staying busy all the time is a trauma response. They just don’t know that. They might even self-medicate with alcohol or drugs.
This book is a transformative guide to learn how to dial down regularly and on demand. People like to do the work. They just don’t know what to do, so it’s a guide for them.
VA has incorporated this in its Whole Health program, but it needs to be more widespread. It shouldn’t have to be something that is sought out. What if we just normalized it?
KD: Why do you think the holistic approach to mental health has more benefits than the traditional practices that we’ve been using for many years?
RD: I think with holistic health and holistic wellness practices, you become an active player in your own well-being.
When you look at conventional medicine, a primary care physician typically examines and prescribes either a prescription, like pills, or gives you a referral. But when you look at holistic health, choice is very empowering. Like, “OK, you have high blood pressure, what could we do? Well, we could become more active. We could do some breathing exercises to reduce our blood pressure.” And high-performance people, especially veterans, firefighters, first responders, nurses … we like doing things for ourselves. It gives us a lot of autonomy. I think athletes could relate to that as well. Athletes want to recover and get back on the team. They don’t want to just get better; they want a full recovery. That opportunity to compete again. The military is like a big athletic team. Think about it. We all have the same uniform, we have a coach, we just call it a commander.
Rising Through the Ranks
KD: Why did you decide to join the military, and when did you serve?
RD: Collectively, I was in from 1986 to 2012.
I enlisted early in my senior year of high school. I was only 17 years old. I knew I wanted to go to college since I was in first grade. But I didn’t really have a way to pay for it, so I enlisted in the Army Reserve for money for school and to travel. I wanted to see the world.
I met another Wisconsite who was going to Mankato State. He said, “Hey, I got an ROTC scholarship. If I did, you could get one, because you’re way smarter than me.” So, I applied for it and got a three-year ROTC scholarship while attending UW-Stevens Point.
I got commissioned on active duty in 1991. Immediately, as a second lieutenant, I deployed to help with Hurricane Andrew recovery.
After I came back from that, barely a couple of months later, I deployed to Somalia, Operation Restore Hope with the 10th Mountain Division. The whole experience tested my mental toughness. There was a lot of work to be done but I pursued things that were high-speed.
I got partnered with a Marine JAG officer, and we had to make insulation payments in Somalia. That was very important in keeping the local population calm. Vehicles would go through, tear up a field. The JAG officer could assess the damage and pay them.
Whenever there was a chance to go overseas, I did it. I was stationed in Korea, which at the time, was the edgiest thing you could do. I was north of the Han River with the 2nd Infantry Division.
I did a year in Egypt. Then I did a four-year stint in Black Ops. You couldn’t find me if you looked up my name. I don’t even know if the name of that program’s classified, so I don’t know if I can say it, but… for four years I worked under the Defense Intelligence Agency.
Then 9/11 happened. I worked as a casualty assistance officer and was at the Pentagon a lot. In the book, I share that I had presumptive cancer, meaning it was tied to the military, and the VA says it was tied to my Somalia deployment because there was, pesticides, herbicides, petroleum oil, lubricant … all kinds of stuff going on there.
Also, after 9/11, driving to the Pentagon every day, those fires from the aircraft that just burned and burned. It smelled like jet fuel for a month.
Then I did have a break in my service. My husband was also in the military, and he was going to Afghanistan. He did five tours over there. We also had a kid to raise. So, I took a break but eventually went back in, joining the National Guard, and finally the Active Guard Reserve.
I got to stand up a unit, the Battlefield Surveillance Brigade. I deployed three rotations to Kosovo, and I was a military intelligence battalion commander.
And then I got my 20 years in, and I didn’t know what I was going to do next. There wasn’t a clear path, and there weren’t many women (in my unit). In California, I saw women generals and women full-bird colonels daily. When I came to Georgia, there was one.
When I worked my way up, there were about five of us lieutenant colonels, and at that time, they just didn’t know where to put us, so I stood up the Georgia Language Training Center, which is a premier sustainable language training center, with the help of two amazing warrant officers.
Then retirement came after 25 years.
Know the Expectations
KD: What do you think your biggest challenge was in the Army? On the flip side, what was the most rewarding experience?
RD: Early on, one of my biggest challenges was not knowing the landscape. I was the only one in my family who went into the military, so I had no one in my corner to ask.
I was an athlete in high school. When I enlisted, we had to take the Army Physical Fitness Test, and all the drill sergeants want to do is pass you because they have thousands of people to get through.
As soon as you did your 18 push-ups, and you went on your extended run, it was like, “OK, you passed!” I didn’t really have to work that hard.
But then I became a cadet. You kind of size up your competition. So, I did the normal number of push-ups and sit-ups. I ran a little faster that day, just because everybody was running faster. And a perfect score was 300. I scored like a 250, which is passing, but I got counseled for marginal performance.
I was like, “Well, what do you mean?” No one had explained to me that there was a high end to the scoring. So, once I found out there was a top end, I scored 300! Then I found out there’s an extended scale. For every push-up is an extra point, for every additional six seconds on a run is an extra point. Oh my god, talk about leaving it on the track. I’d come home from a PT test spent, because I wanted to reach 320 or higher.
Seeking Mentors
Early on, I didn’t have a mentor. I eventually got mentorship, and surprisingly, it came from a Black male officer who graduated from Juilliard. Not who I would have gravitated toward, but he really mentored me, and he said some things that were game changers. He’s like, “You know, you might be the only female in the room.” That happened many, many times. I’m not angry about it; I felt comfortable. I knew, based on my education and training, that I could hold my own, but it’s very lonely sometimes. He said, “All the men have credibility until they talk. You walk in the room as the only female; you do not have credibility until you talk. So, if you talk in that meeting or strategy session, make sure you know what the hell you’re talking about.”
That really stuck with me. Like a lot of females who serve, I had to be overprepared. I would sit and listen and read the room, and all those are great skills to have, it builds maturity and awareness.
The most rewarding aspect (of the military) is definitely the people and the relationships. That’s been one comment about my book. I got an email the other day that read, “Thank you, Raquel. I feel like you just introduced me to some amazing people.”
It’s kind of like reading about ordinary people who are extraordinary. You put that uniform on, and it builds capabilities, fearlessness, and resilience, but then after the mission’s over, you kick back, and you talk about it.
Surpassing the Standard
KD: What would be your advice for a young woman that’s thinking about joining the military? Many face sexual harassment and assault, or they’re held to a higher standard, and they have to work twice as hard as their male counterparts to receive the same promotion. What would you tell them, knowing it’s a great opportunity but there’s likely going to be challenges.
RD: I would tell anyone, but especially a female, to know the standard and exceed the standard. Meeting it is marginal.
The secretary of war is reexamining a lot of standards. I’m fine with standards as long as they’re meaningful. Know what the meaningful standard is. What if you’re having an off day? If the standard’s 7-minute miles, you make sure you are a solid 6.5, because what if you get a cramp? What if you trip, slip, fall? What if there’s inclement weather?
You also want to be in high-performance units. Also, be a life-long learner. The military is on the cutting edge. We use technology that a lot of civilians will eventually use. We’re not only fighting this conflict or this situation, but we’re also always looking at future situations.
If you’re a lifelong learner, it encourages other people to be a learner as well and that’s valuable when you’re a commander.
Story Continues
